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How To Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself?

Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics;

Dr. Paras
Dr. Paras
Jun 18, 2022
How To Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself?

“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”John Gardner.

If you are a bibliophile, reading The Happiness Project will change your perception of self-pity and the importance of happiness in one’s life. Written by Gretchen Rubin, the author takes you on a journey dedicated to finding true happiness. As you embark on a journey with Rubin, you will soon start to consider how wondrous a happy life is.

And, that’s the secret behind eliminating “feeling sorry for myself”. The moment you tap into your true, inner happiness, you will soon overcome the need for external validation and feel a contentment from within.

But, is it an easy process? Of course not.

In this blog, we will explore the top 7 ways to stop feeling sorry for yourself and instead focus on your self-esteem and confidence.

1. Face your Feelings

Most people who feel sorry for themselves are often scared of facing new adventures and opportunities. Instead of continually tallying your struggles with others, learn the ways to deal with the discomfort that comes with different experiences.

Be it grief, disappointment, loneliness, or even rejection, the moment you experience these emotions head-on instead of curbing them to the side is the day you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Everyone experiences struggle at some point in their lives. Instead of questioning whether they are fair, learn how to beat and overcome them like a pro.

2. Tap into Gratitude

“When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold S. Kushner navigates the life of a person who is hit with a terrible tragedy. The book explores the author’s personal struggles and how he navigated through those rough times with honesty.

It is devastating for a father to know that their 3-year-old son has a degenerative disease that will only get worse. Instead of self-pity, Kusher decided to tap into his strength and worked through the struggle.

As human beings, we often feel like every bad thing in the world is projected toward us, without realizing that some people often have it worse. Does that mean you should invalidate your struggles? Definitely not. But, it means that you have to be grateful and appreciative of what you have in life.

f what you have in life.

3. Recognize the signs of a Downward Spiral

Constantly feeling sorry for yourself and feeling like everything is going wrong with your life, a mentally strong person will identify the warning signs of a downward spiral.

Instead of feeling sorry and fostering feelings of negativity, take immediate actions to pull yourself out of that spiral.

Sometimes, the feelings of despair and self-pity (paired with inactivity), lead to feelings of inadequacy that negatively tamper with one’s self-confidence and make one feel incapable. This is where you need to step up, recognize the signs and actively work to eradicate them for good.


4. Find the Good in a Hard Situation

Let us talk about another book, “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. This novel teaches you to overcome the common emotions of “poor me” or “why does this always happen to me” and transform them into “I am enough.”

Our lives are extremely unpredictable – some days are good and some aren’t.

Instead of breaking down with the first blow of struggle, you need to find ways to shield and work through those shortcomings without pitying yourself every step of the way. As Brown says in her book, “The dark doesn’t destroy the light; it defines it.”

So, when you are faced with struggles, find one good learning example from that situation and implement that into your daily life to prevent a repetition of the hurdle in the future.

5. Maintain an Optimistic Outlook

Negative emotions contribute to negative experiences. If you are constantly feeling like nothing is good in the world, it will reflect on your life immensely. The easiest way to overcome feeling sorry for yourself is by being optimistic in life.

There are several situations and instances in our lives that are irreparable. The loss of a loved one, a failed relationship, unexpected health complications, and natural disasters – several instances come without a warning. Does that mean we have to live in a state of constant despair and feel sorry for ourselves and be pessimistic about what’s to come? The answer is NO.

Instead, you have to keep a positive outlook on life and focus on what’s good right now. Practicing optimism enables individuals to handle whatever life throws their way.


6. Help Someone Else Out

Sometimes, the easiest way to pull yourself out of a downward spiral of self-pity is by focusing on someone else. Helping someone doesn’t mean that you are doing it to boost your ego. Instead, it allows you to get yourself outside of your head and feel better after uplifting someone else’s spirit.

Don’t allow yourself to ruminate on your own shortcomings and inconveniences. Instead, be grateful for what you have right now because somewhere on this planet, someone has it worse.

Sometimes, in the midst of helping someone out, you get to tap into your true potential and unfurl things that you are good at. Furiously Happy, which is a novel by Jenny Lawson explores the importance of finding joy in the way one is.

7. Work with Baby Steps

Overcoming feelings of self-pity and lack of contentment isn’t a single day’s work. Instead, it is a work in progress.

Even if you can’t change the situation altogether, you always have the power to introduce smaller and gradual changes – one step at a time. So, start by creating a small plan. You don’t have to go out of your way into exploring new things in life.

You also don’t have to move away from situations that make you feel bad about yourself. Instead, you have to learn how to face them headstrong and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Final Words

Irrespective of your take on life and the constant never-ending struggles, there are ways in which you can overcome feelings of self-pity and despair. Instead of nit-picking every moment in your life, learn to live with it. Don’t settle but learn to compromise. Don’t invalidate but learn to strengthen yourself mentally.

Tapping into your state of mindfulness enables you to overcome these negative emotions in a steadfast but gradual way. You can learn Mindfulness with professional certification programs from Matrrix. However, for personalized Mindfulness sessions, schedule a consultation with a certified Mindfulness Practitioner, Dr. Paras via https://www.matrrix.in/contact-us.


Dr. Paras


Dr. Paras

ICF-certified (Master Certified Coach) and ESIA -Coach Supervisor Dr. Paras, and Co-Founder of Dr Paras Wellness Pvt. Ltd. with brand Matrrix has been focused towards initiating change and transformation in people. As a certified Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner and Mindfulness Coach, he brings a fresh approach towards learning the psychology of one’s thinking and behavior patterns. In his 18 years’ journey, he has trained, coached and mentored over 1.5 lakh individuals while certifying over 240 coaches. The leadership development programs of Matrrix have honed over hundreds of professionals while resolving workplace issues and ensuring higher ROI for firms.

Dr. Paras uses the power of coaching, counseling and positive psychology frameworks to resolve organizational issues, manage internal conflicts, and accelerate business growth. His programs for professional certifications in NLP, Mindfulness, Counseling, Coaching, and more have solidified his name as a transformation coach. Dr. Paras is also the founder of the Iinner Universe Education Foundation that runs Tava-Mitram (not-for-profit) to improve emotional wellness. He is also an avid blogger and social media enthusiast who loves keeping in touch with his international audience.

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