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Know the Art of Mindful Apology

Mindful apology is a way of accepting that no human is perfect.

Dr. Paras
Dr. Paras
Feb 10, 2022
Know the Art of Mindful Apology

As defined by IIUEF - (IINNER UNIVERSE EDUCATION FOUNDATION), "Mindfulness is a psychological and spiritual process of evolving and growing the awareness of body, mind, and spirit with observing, questioning, and reflecting the core of the practice. These enable people to live in the moment, gain accountability, emotional sensitivity, and build effective communication with self, others, and the environment. It's about developing the ability to detach self from fantasies and unconscious patterns, or beliefs picked up that serve no purpose. Mindfulness works to create balance and equanimity within."

A conscious apology stems from a clear understanding of the negative implications of, or an error in, our line of thought, something we've said, or an overt action we've taken.

Our mindfulness practices can assist us in crafting an effective apology by evaluating all components of it, from purpose to application and beyond.

According to the book ‘One Minute Apology’ written by Margret McBride, Ken Blanchard, the toughest part of an apology is to accept that you were wrong.

When well-intended and thoughtfully delivered, an apology may be one of life's most potent elixirs for both the giver and the receiver.

Mindful apology is a way of accepting that no human is perfect. It is an essential part of some fields like psychology, life coaching, hypnotherapy, etc. Mindfulness combined with the power of accepting your mistakes and forgiving the other person can help us live a wonderful life.

Be it our personal lives or workplace, we often come across various situations in which we either hurt someone or feel hurt from something. In such cases, it is always a good option to understand mindful apology by working with a NLP or life coach

Life coaching focuses on many aspects of life, like communication, emotional intelligence, and mindful apology and many more.

All this combined help us get better at this art and live a peaceful life.

Why is it necessary to forgive?

Forgiving and letting go lightens your burden and makes you feel free. It also has a significant impact on your mind. When you are hurt, cortisol hormone is released, which is also known as the stress hormone and is associated with the sympathetic nervous system. This hormone not only affects the brain but also creates an impact on the other organs of the body, ultimately damaging physical health.

When we forgive or apologize, oxytocin which is also known as the love hormone, is generated, which reduces the ill effects of cortisol.

What should you ask yourself before offering an apology?

What am I trying to accomplish by making my apology? Do I want to alleviate the suffering of people I have harmed? Do I want to make amends or prevent a recurrence of a mistake? Is there some advantage I'd like to acquire by apologizing? Some of the other questions you can ask yourself are: Do I genuinely comprehend the harm (actual or potential) caused by my blunder, and am I willing to admit it without making excuses or providing explanations? Do I accept responsibility for my role in the events that occurred?

Do I have regrets? Do I have a sense of guilt after admitting that I made a mistake — would I go back and change my behavior if I could?

Is it okay for me to make amends to demonstrate and raise the possibility that I will not repeat my mistake? Is it true that I am sorry enough to make an effort to change?

How much do I care about the outcome of my apology? Is an apology sufficient in itself, or does it require a specific observable effect to be considered worthwhile?

There is a quote in 'one minute apology' that says, "Apologize not for the outcome but because you know that you were wrong and that is the right thing to do."

Going back in the past and reliving the moment to seek an apology or forgive can be challenging. Therefore, to be mindful and help yourself, you can also perform an exercise.

Sit in a room by yourself and think about the situation/conversation that hurts you. Imagine the person you want to apologize to is sitting with you. Now, talk to them and say what you have not told them before. This will help you resolve your issues without going back to the person/situation in real time with Open Mind, Open Heart and Open Will.

According to the author of 'one minute apology', "One minute of being honest with yourself is worth more than days, months and years of self-deception."

Similarly, you can practice this exercise with someone who hurt you in the past knowingly or unknowingly and you want to forgive them and let go of the hurtful feeling.

Forgive the ones who hurt you, or apologize the ones you hurt intentionally or unintentionally, and free yourself from all the guilt.

For example, you had a dispute with your boss, and you no longer work in that organization. But now you're feeling guilty about what had happened between you two. So what you can do is, have a conversation with yourself, imagine that you're talking to your boss and say everything you have in your mind. This way, you'll be able to free yourself from the unresolved issues that you had till now. 

The Practice of Mindful Apology 

Your mind is a home where your soul dwells, so remove all the negativity and decorate it with positive thoughts.

If you think you need to apologize to someone you have hurt, there are a few things that you can keep in mind:

a) Repair

When something you've said has hurt the other person, here's how to fix it. "I'm sorry" is a beautiful start, but an apology should contain three elements to restore intimacy. If you have spoken about something unjustly, you must first accept responsibility for your contribution to the problem. Then, there's the matter of repairing the damage. Third, you must commit to improving with an open mind, open heart, and open Will.

b) Forgive

Are you able to forgive and forget? If you've been injured, you may never be able to forget it. But you can always forgive because forgiveness is a decision - one that you may have to make again and again. You've lost track of the present moment when your troubled mind focuses on anything your partner said or did that harm you. You're experiencing something that doesn't exist anymore. Based on a story, you are currently inventing your suffering. You can't live in the present moment with anyone until you choose to forgive them. The past has poisoned you. 

By forgiving the other person, you are also forgiving yourself because we all make mistakes. In this ideal moment, choose to cease causing pain. Accepting an apology can begin with the words "I forgive you." But, if you want to be a giving person, there are three measures you should take as well. 

First and foremost, express gratitude to the other person for showing concern for the relationship you two share. Second, acknowledge that the other person has taken responsibility for their error and correct it. Accepting their apology is the third step.

c) Restart the process

Unfinished emotions in any relationship build up. Allow yourself to let go of minor annoyances and significant wounds so that they do not pile up. In this case, you can say, "I'm sorry, please accept my apology. Let us start afresh. 

For example, you are running a business with a partner and you did something that hurt him/her. In this case, you ask for an apology and suggest that both of you build the relationship again with some ground rules and amendments in the previous ones.

What is the best way to give and receive a thoughtful apology?

Giving or receiving a good apology is an art, and it takes two individuals to make a good apology. There are two parties involved: the provider and the receiver. It is necessary to offer and accept an apology. Kindness, generosity, and compassion are the pillars of a mindful apology. 

Some of the ways are, "I've harmed you. I offer you my repair as the person who hurt you. "Or, "With a loving heart, voice, and words, I apologize. I'm attempting to rekindle our relationship and bring us closer together once more. But I won't be able to fix it on my own." 

Even the Buddha says that “apology is incomplete until the recipient accepts it gracefully and provides forgiveness in return: forgiveness.” 

You can tell someone, "I see you struggle when you have injured me. And because I care for you, I listen to your apology with a compassionate heart, ears, and intellect. Then I'll forgive you."

As a result, we, the offender and the offended, have equal responsibility for reuniting what has been torn apart. Each of us bears complete responsibility for the relationship we share.

You can take this affirmation as an example: "My unhappiness stems from my attitude, not from you. Now, this is a great approach to go forward with, i.e. even if you've said something hurtful; I am choosing to let it go with my mind. I shall see past the clouds of fear, ego, and story to the love that lies behind. So, yes, I forgive you. I forgive you, and we're also humans with our imperfections. I am ready to forgive you, hoping you will do the same when I fail. 

If you want to clean your home (mind) by removing the negative thoughts and adding the beautiful views, you can start today. To understand the art of mindful apology and accept other people's flaws, book an appointment on https://www.matrrix.in/ to work with the best life  coaches and walk towards healing yourself and making yourself a better person.

Dr. Paras


Dr. Paras

ICF-certified (Master Certified Coach) and ESIA -Coach Supervisor Dr. Paras, and Co-Founder of Dr Paras Wellness Pvt. Ltd. with brand Matrrix has been focused towards initiating change and transformation in people. As a certified Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner and Mindfulness Coach, he brings a fresh approach towards learning the psychology of one’s thinking and behavior patterns. In his 18 years’ journey, he has trained, coached and mentored over 1.5 lakh individuals while certifying over 240 coaches. The leadership development programs of Matrrix have honed over hundreds of professionals while resolving workplace issues and ensuring higher ROI for firms.

Dr. Paras uses the power of coaching, counseling and positive psychology frameworks to resolve organizational issues, manage internal conflicts, and accelerate business growth. His programs for professional certifications in NLP, Mindfulness, Counseling, Coaching, and more have solidified his name as a transformation coach. Dr. Paras is also the founder of the Iinner Universe Education Foundation that runs Tava-Mitram (not-for-profit) to improve emotional wellness. He is also an avid blogger and social media enthusiast who loves keeping in touch with his international audience.

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