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What you think you are v/s what you are - Part 1

Your thoughts are the reflections of your mind.

Dr. Paras
Dr. Paras
Sep 20, 2016
What is Self Esteem?

Your thoughts today are the reflections of your mind. People are often confused about the whole interpretation of Self Esteem. Many people have their own definitions as per their understanding. Some people perceive it as having great physical appearance while some perceive it as being popular in the social circle. 

The biggest blunder made here is measuring self esteem on some random external factors. While on the contrary, it is completely based on self realization.

Let me share the story of Kishore. Kishore was a bright MBA student who was working as a Managing Head at a company. With a hefty corporate income, life seemed to be pretty fair with Kishore. He had everything he once dreamt of. But somehow there was something that stopped him from living up his dream. He had this nag of constantly doubting himself and comparing himself to others. 

He couldn’t say no and agreed quickly to inconvenient and unlikely situations. In short he let others control and influence his life. His voice was often suppressed in social conversations and he had a difficulty in presenting his ideas. He developed a habit of perceiving himself from the view of other people. Though competent enough, he always felt that the world was smart enough to outpace him. This led to low self confidence thereby affecting his professional success rate.

If you become the victim of Low Self Esteem - You start walking on the path of Doubts and Judgements.

Distressed with his situation, Kishore consulted a coach to get out of these circumstances. He then realized that the real problem was low self esteem. The coach enlightened him with ways to discover himself and embrace the beauty within.

In case of Kishore, he was trapped in a Life Position of “I am not OK, you are OK”. The Life Positions are developed by Frank Ernst and are based on the ‘OK Corral’ developed on the Transactional Analysis Principle by Eric Berne.

The ‘OK Corral’ is -

 You’re OKYou’re not OK
I’m OKGet on with othersGet rid of them
I’m not OKGet away from themGet nowhere

The victims belonging to the Life Position, “I’m not OK- you’re OK.” find positive traits in their peers and observe and criticize the negative traits of self. Eventually, they tend to develop an inferiority complex and face problems like self criticism, self doubt, comparison with the peers and constantly finding negative traits in self. They are completely blinded to their own beauty, intelligence, talents and have a problem accepting themselves and embracing the beauty within.

The victims tend to please others in order to get the positive stroke and when they don’t, they get struck in the same rut of self doubt and negativity. As a result these victims face commitment issues and tend to get away from others. These victims deal with low self esteem.

If there is a deficiency in self esteem you become the perfect victim... Grow & let go.

So basically the whole problem lies with the “I’m not OK” which needs to be resolved by building self esteem.

But what is Self Esteem?

Self Esteem is the way we perceive ourselves and identify our worth towards the world. Self Esteem is strongly based on our belief about self. It is all about embracing and making peace with your inner self by accepting yourself with all the flaws. 

To some extent, self esteem also affects the way we perceive others, our relationships and our professional success. Positive self esteem helps recognizing the strengths and positive traits about self thereby encouraging oneself towards growth and empowerment; whereas low self esteem creates fear of rejection and hence the inability to learn from failures. In order to have a positive self esteem we need to achieve a perfect alignment of the definite knowledge of self and respect for oneself.

Building self Esteem is simple. All it takes is some perseverance and a constant belief that – You can do it!

Take a quick test to assess your self esteem. Match your answers with the table below and find out your Score.

5 means High Self Esteem

3-5 means Moderate Self Esteem

1-3 means Low Self Esteem

1. What do you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror?

a. Feel insecure and ugly

b. Feel beautiful and worthy

c. Compare yourself with someone else’s beauty

d. Not beautiful enough

2. Do you feel that you have a number of good qualities?

a. Not really

b. Sometimes

c. Yes, mostly

d. Yes, Surely

3. How do you respond to challenges?

a. Motivated to do things

b. Need a little push

c. Have self doubt

d. Try to get away

4. What is your reaction to failure?

a. Blame everyone around you

b. Blame yourself

c. Take responsibility and move forward

5. How do you react to criticism

a. You take personally and become offensive

b. You become defensive and react with equal or more negatively

c. You value their opinion without bearing with your self worth

QuestionsOption AOption BOption COption D
Question 10100
Question 20001
Question 31000
Question 40010
Question 50010


Congratulations to those who have a high score. And no worries for those who have a low score, remember “It’s never too late” you can always start afresh and build your self esteem.

Dr. Paras


Dr. Paras

ICF-certified (Master Certified Coach) and ESIA -Coach Supervisor Dr. Paras, and Co-Founder of Dr Paras Wellness Pvt. Ltd. with brand Matrrix has been focused towards initiating change and transformation in people. As a certified Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner and Mindfulness Coach, he brings a fresh approach towards learning the psychology of one’s thinking and behavior patterns. In his 18 years’ journey, he has trained, coached and mentored over 1.5 lakh individuals while certifying over 240 coaches. The leadership development programs of Matrrix have honed over hundreds of professionals while resolving workplace issues and ensuring higher ROI for firms.

Dr. Paras uses the power of coaching, counseling and positive psychology frameworks to resolve organizational issues, manage internal conflicts, and accelerate business growth. His programs for professional certifications in NLP, Mindfulness, Counseling, Coaching, and more have solidified his name as a transformation coach. Dr. Paras is also the founder of the Iinner Universe Education Foundation that runs Tava-Mitram (not-for-profit) to improve emotional wellness. He is also an avid blogger and social media enthusiast who loves keeping in touch with his international audience.

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